It's not about you

How do you prepare yourself to tell the world about your gift as an artist, as an entrepreneur?

 

As an Acting Coach and Public Speaking Coach I deal with artists and presenters of all sorts who want to effectively communicate their gift.  What is your gift?  Can you put it in a sentence?  Are you passionate about it?  Do you realize that it can change people’s lives?  Do you focus on this when you speak, because it’s not about you, it’s about the gift you are giving.  If you have nothing to give to an audience, don’t speak. 

 

My gift is the ability to inspire and validate artists and speakers helping them realize that their gift makes a difference and teaching them acting skills and authenticity to deliver it effectively.

An inspiring video on validation

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao]

 

What stands in your way?  What stops you from becoming a dynamic speaker?

 

Fear?

Fear of what?  There are many I have heard throughout the years.  Here are a few.

 

“I’ll make a fool of myself!” 

 

                        “What if I lose my place?”

 

       “I really don’t know that much.”

 

“I’m boring.”

                                                “What if I freeze up?”

                       

What is your specific fear?  Become friends with your “doubter”.  Know it on an intimate basis.  And address it. 

 

Involvement is the enemy of tension. 

 

 Be involved in what your gift can do to help your audience and the attention will be on that, not yourself.

 

But how can you be involved if you are watching, judging, directing, and scaring yourself?  You can’t.

 

So let’s address it!

 

Let’s start at the very beginning – feeding that all important brain of yours.   Deep Breathing.  Have you heard it so much you’re sick of it?  I know I am.  And yet, over and over again it comes up.  Deep inhalation and exhalation – extremely important to relaxation, centering, feeding of the brain.  Eight slow breaths in, hold on four and out on seven breaths.  Do that three times.

 

Now imagine yourself in front of a large crowd giving a speech or better yet, remember the last bad experience speaking.  Now ask yourself what were the thoughts you had at that time?  Any of the ones mentioned above? 

 

Write them down and deal with them one at a time. Be specific.  And then ask yourself “Is this true?”  “Am I boring?”  “Do I not know enough about my subject?”  The answer is NO.  You must pay close attention to these “doubters” and stop them dead with a big resounding NO.  You see most of the time you don’t address them and they just build, getting stronger and stronger every time. You validate them every time you do not address them, letting them affect your self-worth.  So, first say NO.  Then tell the truth.  What is the truth?  Ask yourself. 

 

“I’ll make a fool of myself!”  You will, plan on it, so be prepared to acknowledge it when it happens.  Say it out loud to the audience.  “Well, I sure screwed up.”  They’ll love you for it.  They’ll appreciate your humanity.  They’ll feel you are just like them.  They will trust you.  Some professional speakers purposely screw up just so they can get the confidence of the audience.  And just think if you get that one fear out of the way, you can focus on your gift.

 

“What if I lose my place?”  I was speaking to the Portland Female Executives at a lovely Hotel in downtown Portland.  I’d sent out questionnaires ahead of time asking what they were most afraid of.  Many said they were afraid of forgetting their place in their speech.  So halfway through my presentation, I stopped, and said “Well, I’ve forgotten what’s next.”  I then walked over to the podium about 5 feet away, rifled through my notes, and finally came up with the next thing to say.  At this point I looked closely at everyone and said “Do you think less of me because I forgot my place?” “Do you think my information is less valuable then it was before I forgot my place?”  Everyone shook their head saying “oh no, no.”  “Then why do you think you will be judged if you lose your place in a speech?” I said.

 

 “I really don’t know that much.”  I have heard this one more often than any other.  What most people don’t realize is that they are an expert in their field.  They’ve spent years learning through experience, classes, books and conversation, their particular gift.  I remember when I first started Public Speaking Coaching.  I told one of my Acting Students, “People already know all this.”  She looked at me amazed.  “You’re crazy,” she said.  “You know this stuff because you’ve lived with it day in and day out for years.  It’s second nature to you.  But the general public doesn’t have a clue.”  I found out she was right with the first workshop I did.  I had such a tremendous response for the gift I’d given, that I never questioned whether I didn’t know my subject.  Write it down, right now.  I AM AN EXPERT IN MY FIELD and put it somewhere where you can see it daily.

 

“I’m boring.”  I coached a College professor who said that exact same thing.  I asked, “What makes you think that?”  He said “When I was in Grade 6 and gave a speech, three boys told me I was boring.”  “And you have held on to that and let it grow all these years letting it stand in the way, haven’t you?” I said.  “Yes,” he replied.  We worked on making friends with that “doubter” and never it letting pass by with stating NO.  He replaced it with “I’m amazing.”  I asked him what sort of experiences he had had lately with his speaking and his book.  He said, “Everyone tells me it’s interesting and stimulating.”  And then he wanted to tell me about a recent experience he had in Los Angeles.  “I was at a famous restaurant frequented by many movie stars.  The owner came out and told me that she was a fan of mine and would I autograph my book.” 

 

“What if I freeze up?”  I must admit that was my biggest fear on stage and it actually happened more than once and I just made something up. But I remember the feeling.  I wished the floor would open up and swallow me and I would never be heard from again.  I remember apologizing to my director at the American Academy of Dramatics after the show, “I’m sorry I went up on the lines.”  To which he replied, “You did?  I didn’t notice.”  That’s right people notice a lot less than you think.  My suggestion is to memorize something that gets you back into it. A mantra.   Usually is the central theme of your speech in one short sentence – Speakers with Acting Skills and Authenticity ALWAYS have the edge.  If I say that phrase,  a slew of acting skills flood my brain and I’m off.  What’s you mantra?

 

We hold on to what doesn’t work instead of what does.  What works about you?  What do people say is great about you?  Ask them.  Write these statements down.  Use them whenever the “doubter” shows up and soon the truth will be stronger than your negative thoughts.  And you’ll be focusing on your gift and how it can change people’s lives because IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU.